Time to "Ferberize"

***WARNING...long post ahead...updated at bottom of post

Every now and then, Owen will wake up 30 minutes to an hour after we put him down for the night. In the past, we would simply go back in and rock him back to sleep. Sometimes it worked the first time, and sometimes we'd have to keep doing it over and over until he finally gave up and decided to sleep the rest of the night. A week ago it dawned on us that we have these books and maybe we should see what they say. Much to my surprise, there are other kids who go through the same thing. Don't know why I thought Owen was a special case. I guess when you are in the middle of something like this, you assume it's just your issue and that you are doing something wrong. Let's call it first-time parent syndrome.

Even before Brigette got pregnant with Owen, we knew what book we would consult for any sleep issues once he arrived. It's called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and was recommended to us by mother of two Sarah Daniel. When we went online to order it, another book was offered along with this one, so we took the package deal. The other book, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Richard Ferber, has sat on the shelf for over a year. We never looked at it until a week ago.

The book basically says we shouldn't be rocking our child to sleep. That sounded crazy to me...who in their right mind wouldn't want to rock (and soothe) their child to sleep? Isn't that natural? Who would have thought what's best for you and your child is for them to put themselves to sleep? And the idea of us trying this with Owen, and then actually succeeding seemed impossible.

After much debate and some serious speed reading, we decided we would do a modified version of the Ferber method at first, and then go all-in once we got back in the groove of work again. The short version is you gradually increase the amount of time you let your child cry before you go in and soothe them back to sleep. It is supposed to work after no longer than a week of increasing the time increments daily and over the course of each night. You can't look at them and you can't talk to them, and you certainly can't pick them up or rock them. All you can do is rub their back and/or hair for 2-3 minutes until they hopefully fall asleep. Owen is always standing when we go in his room, so it's not easy to get him to sit or lie down. If the child is still crying after a few minutes, you still leave and then wait the appropriate amount of time before going back in and trying again. The theory says that after the third night the majority will learn that they aren't being abandoned forever and will fall asleep on their own.

Well, tonight is the first night we haven't rocked Owen to sleep since he was born 10 months ago. We got ready for bed, read a few books and Owen started stroking his hair. That's the sign that he is tired and ready for sleep. I picked him up and put him in the crib. His eyes popped open and so I rubbed his hair for less than a minute. I walked out and before I could close the door he was wailing. We are up to 20 min for the first turn so we waited. By the way, after a week of doing this, his screaming and crying doesn't bother us. We don't like it, but he's not in pain and we aren't harming him. We just keep telling ourselves this is good for him. Kids that learn to do this now shouldn't have sleep problems down the road. Anyway, as Brigette was walking to his room the crying stopped. We waited a second and nothing. Fifteen minutes later we checked and he was sound asleep. We don't want to jinx anything, but so far so good. Owen is on his way to being Ferberized. Fingers crossed...

UPDATE: Owen didn't make a noise all night. I heard him stirring some around 6:15 when I was leaving for work. Brigette checked on him at 7:30 and he was just starting to stand up. Way to go lil' buddy!